Q: The phenomenon of having servants and babysitters in homes has become widespread. Although it is not new, some people criticize it. What is your opinion?
A: First, there is a big difference between entrusting a child to a servant and to a foster mother. In the past, people believed breastfeeding greatly impacted the formation of the child's body and mind. Therefore, they would choose beautiful and good-tempered foster mothers so the child could inherit good qualities.
As for the servant, their employment carries different meanings. Servants can be a solution for the working mother whose husband cannot provide for all the family's needs. However, the choice of servants is the main problem. Some parents hire servants without knowing their background, morals, or customs. Most importantly, hiring servants is often counterproductive from an educational point of view, as raising children is not an easy job.
A child does not need much instruction. What he needs is the tenderness and kindness of his mother. Such feelings are essential. They provide the child with the strength to accept everything.
That said, employing babysitters is justifiable in some cases. First, if the mother is incapable of providing care due to health problems. Second, if the servant acts as a replacement for a dead mother, or if she can assist the child with his schoolwork.
Q: It is believed that employing servants is helpful for both the child and his mother, as it gives the mother more time to be with her child. What do you say?
A: This is undeniable. However, the problem takes another aspect when the servant takes the main role at home and the mother becomes just an assistant. This reversal of roles should be rejected.
Needless to say, Islam focuses on the great role a mother plays in building her child’s personality. It is due to this holy role that the mother is honored in the Quran:
"And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination." Surah Luqman (31:14)
This verse underlines the intimate relationship between mother and child.
Therefore, hiring servants is acceptable only if the servant remains just an assistant, nothing more. We observe in some societies that mothers do not even visit their children's rooms. Some women hate being mothers due to the heavy responsibility. They prefer to enjoy their freedom independently.
Consequently, I believe that depending on servants to build families and children's personalities is destructive for society, the family, and childhood. A mother should perform her role, and nothing should prevent her from being the closest person to her children.
Q: What is your advice to mothers whose harsh circumstances force them to hire servants?
A: The mother’s role should not be compromised. A mother should never depend solely on servants to raise her children. The child should be cared for by his mother. However, a working mother is responsible for compensating her child for her absence. She must also choose a suitable servant who can perform the duty well.
Q: You call for the mother's continuous presence near her child. Don't you think her moral presence is more important than her physical one?
A: In fact, the moral and physical presence complete one another. The mother's moral presence cannot be fulfilled without her physical one. The child breathes the mother's tenderness, kindness, and feelings during her presence.
Do we not ask ourselves why people hug, kiss, and shake hands? Is it not an expression of love? Just as adults need such gestures, so does the child—even more so. Words are not enough. We need physical touches like hugs and kisses to sense the level of sentiment expressed to us.
Such care is essential for the child. It provides him with a sense of peace and safety. It reassures him that he is not alone. He is an important member of his family and community. The child realizes that he belongs. He is surrounded and protected by people who love and care for him.
Q: In your opinion, what is the difference between the traditional mother and the modern one?
A: The term "traditional mother" is often used with disrespect for her holy role. This "traditional mother" represents the whole meaning of sacrifice and giving. From the first moment of pregnancy, she senses her child as a part of her. She tenderly conceives and feeds him. She gives her life to resurrect it in her child’s life. It is this mother who represents the meaning of motherhood for which heaven is granted.
On the other hand, the "modern mother" often carries only the surface meanings of motherhood. She may consider her child a heavy load that hinders her social and personal life. She sees infants as a responsibility she cannot manage, one that blocks her life. Most importantly, unlike the traditional mother, she may view the child as a member who belongs to society, not to her.
Q: Can we say that a mother's ignorance is less dangerous for children than her lack of passion and tenderness?
A: A child needs to be raised on a strong foundation. This is provided by a real mother who behaves according to her instinct. If we observe the new lifestyle of some modern women, we notice the psychological complexes their children suffer from, especially those left in nursery-care. Such children feel they do not belong; they are uprooted.
Q: In your opinion, is a woman born to be a mother?
A: We truly believe that a woman’s role as a mother is innate; it is not acquired. The infant is a part of the mother. She conceives him, feeds him, and suffers the pain of pregnancy and delivery. That is why the infant is taken from inside the soul of the mother. Thus, the period of breastfeeding and nursing provides the child not only with the strength to face life but also with a sense of identity and belonging.
An interview with H.E. Sayyed M. H. Fadlullah about The Child, his mother and the servant