Respecting the Child's Mind
One of the general principles in raising children is that parents should not consider their child as their possession. Instead, they should consider him God's trust. Allah has put this trust in their hands. This is done by loving the child. It is done by listening to him and respecting his mind. It should be suggested to him that he could reach the facts if he exerts enough effort. He should also be taught to criticize ideas. He should learn to discuss, accept, or refuse the ideas of others. If you respect the thinking of others, you will discuss it with them. This discussion represents recognition of the other.
Respecting the child and teaching him to respect others is part of a general policy. This policy includes respecting the ideas the child comes up with.
Thus, when he comes up with a silly or a naïve idea, parents should not make fun of him. They should try to show him where he went wrong. They should encourage him to think again in a better way. This should be done without making him feel helpless. Making fun of the child's abilities could make him feel that he is stupid or inept. These are frustrating and negative judgments.
To avoid this, we should tell the child that he did not go wrong because he is stupid. He used a superficial way of thinking. Tell him that this superficial way will not lead to the truth. Tell him he should try again and again to reach positive results.
The Role of Punishment and Reward
Q: There are many methods in education. Most depend on the principle of reward and punishment. What is the role of this principle in the educational process?
A: This principle is based on psychological mechanisms. They induce positive behavior and thwart negative attitudes. When a person feels he is promised a reward for doing something, he will have a motive to work hard. This is like athletes who train hard to win a prize.
The reward plays the role of the stimulant for positive behavior. Punishment represents the opposite. We avoid many things we desire because we fear their negative repercussions. These repercussions can be from the action itself or from the reactions of others.
The issue of reward and punishment is related to the feelings of desire and fear in the human psyche. They are important feelings. They play a significant role in protecting and realizing one's self. But in applying this principle, we have to study the individual's personality. We must consider the circumstances and the methodology. Giving a wrong dose of reward or punishment may backfire. It can lead to counterproductive results.
In the case of children, the aim is to develop the child’s personality and mind. This means we have to discover the shortest way to reach his mind.
The child has accumulated certain ideas in his mind. He has developed certain feelings in his heart. Dealing with the child means trying to penetrate inner levels that are difficult to reach. We have to use several methods before we find the right one.
Thus, the issue of reward or punishment is a changing process. We have to study if it is feasible before we use it. For example, rewarding the child for studying might lead to him not studying unless he is rewarded. This will mean he is not actually interested in studying. He is only interested in the reward.
On the other hand, if the child is rebellious and refuses to study, giving him a reward might be a positive act. It might make him find pleasure in doing so.
Reward and punishment are similar to medicine. We have to give the precise doses to ensure optimal results. It is also a Quranic principle that conforms with human nature.
The Concept of Mercy
Q: It has been related in our traditions that 'he who does not have mercy on our children is not one of us.' What is meant by mercy in this context?
A: It might well mean that we ought to let the child feel secure. We do this by constantly showing him that we love him. This can be through kissing, hugging, and the like. We can also let him feel it through all kinds of gestures. The child needs this feeling of love and warmth. It will give him security and tranquility. It will enable him to develop his personality and potentials.
Moreover, mercy is an ethical Islamic principle. Allah wants us to abide by it in all our relations with others. This is especially true since "if you are not merciful, you will not be treated with mercy or kindness."
Respecting the Child's Mind
One of the general principles in raising children is that parents should not consider their child as their possession. Instead, they should consider him God's trust. Allah has put this trust in their hands. This is done by loving the child. It is done by listening to him and respecting his mind. It should be suggested to him that he could reach the facts if he exerts enough effort. He should also be taught to criticize ideas. He should learn to discuss, accept, or refuse the ideas of others. If you respect the thinking of others, you will discuss it with them. This discussion represents recognition of the other.
Respecting the child and teaching him to respect others is part of a general policy. This policy includes respecting the ideas the child comes up with.
Thus, when he comes up with a silly or a naïve idea, parents should not make fun of him. They should try to show him where he went wrong. They should encourage him to think again in a better way. This should be done without making him feel helpless. Making fun of the child's abilities could make him feel that he is stupid or inept. These are frustrating and negative judgments.
To avoid this, we should tell the child that he did not go wrong because he is stupid. He used a superficial way of thinking. Tell him that this superficial way will not lead to the truth. Tell him he should try again and again to reach positive results.
The Role of Punishment and Reward
Q: There are many methods in education. Most depend on the principle of reward and punishment. What is the role of this principle in the educational process?
A: This principle is based on psychological mechanisms. They induce positive behavior and thwart negative attitudes. When a person feels he is promised a reward for doing something, he will have a motive to work hard. This is like athletes who train hard to win a prize.
The reward plays the role of the stimulant for positive behavior. Punishment represents the opposite. We avoid many things we desire because we fear their negative repercussions. These repercussions can be from the action itself or from the reactions of others.
The issue of reward and punishment is related to the feelings of desire and fear in the human psyche. They are important feelings. They play a significant role in protecting and realizing one's self. But in applying this principle, we have to study the individual's personality. We must consider the circumstances and the methodology. Giving a wrong dose of reward or punishment may backfire. It can lead to counterproductive results.
In the case of children, the aim is to develop the child’s personality and mind. This means we have to discover the shortest way to reach his mind.
The child has accumulated certain ideas in his mind. He has developed certain feelings in his heart. Dealing with the child means trying to penetrate inner levels that are difficult to reach. We have to use several methods before we find the right one.
Thus, the issue of reward or punishment is a changing process. We have to study if it is feasible before we use it. For example, rewarding the child for studying might lead to him not studying unless he is rewarded. This will mean he is not actually interested in studying. He is only interested in the reward.
On the other hand, if the child is rebellious and refuses to study, giving him a reward might be a positive act. It might make him find pleasure in doing so.
Reward and punishment are similar to medicine. We have to give the precise doses to ensure optimal results. It is also a Quranic principle that conforms with human nature.
The Concept of Mercy
Q: It has been related in our traditions that 'he who does not have mercy on our children is not one of us.' What is meant by mercy in this context?
A: It might well mean that we ought to let the child feel secure. We do this by constantly showing him that we love him. This can be through kissing, hugging, and the like. We can also let him feel it through all kinds of gestures. The child needs this feeling of love and warmth. It will give him security and tranquility. It will enable him to develop his personality and potentials.
Moreover, mercy is an ethical Islamic principle. Allah wants us to abide by it in all our relations with others. This is especially true since "if you are not merciful, you will not be treated with mercy or kindness."