Woman and Domestic Violence

The phenomenon of domestic violence recently became the center of attention and it brought about much controversy, especially in terms of what the media calls marital rape, which was brought up in the media from the legal and religious perspectives. On our part, we decided to shed light on this issue and raised a number of questions to His Eminence, Sayyed Ali Fadlullah, to clarify it…

Family court

Q: As an introduction, Your Eminence, some say that marriage is based on cordiality and mercy and getting laws and court hearings into the marital life destabilizes this basis. What is your opinion regarding this issue?

A: The marital life is founded on two bases: cordiality and mercy; they are the bases that should be preserved in order to ensure the continuity of the marital life. It goes without saying that good choice of the partner, by both the man and the woman, comes in first. However, unfortunately, in most cases, marriage is built on love at the first sight, without looking into the matter thoroughly and studying each other well. Therefore, when the couple get married, reality will surface and many things will change; thus, affecting the marital life.

What we call for is to find solutions to the problems between the husband and wife within their marital life, and if it was necessary to get help, they should be fully aware of whom they intend to bring along to their marital problems.

Islam has its own solution to this problem, as it suggests the idea of a family court where the husband appoints a judge on his behalf and the woman appoints another on her behalf, for Allah, the Most Exalted says: "And if you fear a breach between the two, then appoint an arbiter from his family and an arbiter from her family. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted." Surah An-Nisa (04:35). Both judges would discuss the problem with the husband and the wife, and try to find a solution, keeping in mind that as long as the couple agree on the appointed judges, they ought to abide by the decision they reach…

The family court that Islam called for ensures the safety of the marital life, knowing that this does not prevent applying the laws, yet through this court that looks into all the possible outcomes…

As for taking the issue to a court outside this circle, it might lead to many negative consequences, for the ones relied upon might not be familiar with the specifics of the marital life and they might act according to the rigid legal provisions as they would not be able to look into the matter thoroughly. Thus, we ought to consider a practical methodology that is suitable to solve marital problems away from the legal framework, for in the end, we want to eat grapes and not kill the guards; that is, we want to resolve the problems and not apply legal provisions that could destabilize the family.

Suppose the wife took legal actions against her husband and took the issue to the court, which, in its turn, sentenced the husband to a year or so of imprisonment, what do you think will happen after the husband returns to the house? Of course, the fact that he was imprisoned would have a great impact on him, and so is the case if the husband was the claimant…

Thus, this issue should be covered and studied from all angles, and we confirm that the family court which Islam called for ensures the safety of the marital life, knowing that this does not prevent applying the laws, yet through this court that looks into all possible outcomes and acts on the basis of the reality of the family and not any other external factor…

Main goal: The safety of the family

Q: People are still calling for passing the law of domestic violence, depicting the issue as a struggle between the religious authority and the civil rights. Is this true?

A: The idea of the struggle between the two authorities is unrealistic, for the religious authorities, in the end, do not approve the principle of violence in general; neither as a principle nor in marital life. It must be noted that the religious authorities take the safety of the family into consideration in the first place, as they do not want the marital life to be governed by laws only. They consider that a thorough and comprehensive study on how to preserve this family ought to be conducted… As we have mentioned previously, applying laws might not lead to the aspired results and it does not put an end to violence on the part of the husband… We must consider the interest of the family in the first place. It goes without saying that the wife must be protected from her husband’s violence, but we ought to follow the means that protect her from any act of violence, and at the same time, preserve the family. We call for finding a common ground between protecting the wife or husband, on one hand, and preserving the family, on the other hand, whilst keeping an accurate balance in this respect. In some cases, we call on the wife or husband to be patient until we find a way to protect the marital life, especially if the couple has children.

Marital rape: A problematic issue

Q: One of the features of domestic violence is what the media calls “marital rape”. What is the opinion of religion regarding this issue and its means for deterring such behaviors, in case they exist?

A: In principle, the reasons of marital rape should be studied, for the wife should not be forced into a sexual relation she is not capable of making, for Allah says: "And [He] has not placed upon you in the religion any difficulty." Surah Al-Hajj (22:78). A wife is allowed not to accept engaging in a sexual relation if she is really physically or psychologically unable, and this is justified, but, at the same time, she has to always think about the results, in the sense that if she repeatedly refuses to have a sexual relation with her husband, what could happen?

Commitment to the marital life is mutual between the husband and wife, and this commitment is what nourishes the marital life and immunizes the man and woman alike. Thus, this issue ought to be examined from this angle and not from the angle that considers it as an act of rape. Religiously speaking, the wife is bound to the marital relation just as the husband is, but the latter ought to take his wife’s health, physical and psychological circumstances into consideration. However, if there were no such conditions, the wife ought to satisfy her husband’s need for a sexual relation, and she should not let things reach this level.


Q: Can we conclude that marital rape has no religious and realistic basis, since they are husband and wife by virtue of a valid contract?

A: Those who talk about marital rape ought to study why things reached this extent. We cannot discuss this issue in the absolute sense. It might entail an act of rape if the wife truly was not capable of engaging in a sexual relation due to a certain physical or psychological condition she was going through, or due to a problem she was facing with her husband. In this case, the husband ought to look into the matter calmly and he cannot force his wife into a sexual relation. In the meantime, the wife should not let her husband reach this extent and resort to force, since upon concluding the marriage contract, she committed herself to guarantee the marital life and immunize her husband.

The stand of Islam from hitting the woman

Q: What is the Islamic stand from hitting the woman? What are its limits and backgrounds? What is the role of religious scholars in making reform and finding the necessary religious means to deal with this issue?

A: Islam does not allow the husband to hit his wife, except in a single and very exceptional case; that is, when the woman denies her husband his marital rights without any acceptable justification, whether physical, psychological or religious. In this case, the husband has to advise his wife and counsel her; if this does not work, he might opt to refuse to share the bed with her; if this does not work and there was no other way to deal with the issue and to safeguard the marital life, in this case, he is allowed to hit her lightly in a way that does not cause any injuries or fractures, provided that this method helps in solving this problem; if not, the husband is not allowed to hit his wife.

We call for having psychologists or people specialized in the field of marital life so as to find real solutions to the family problems we are facing in the reality

The principle is that hitting is impermissible, as it does not solve a problem; rather, it further complicates it. However, it becomes permissible if it is the only way to solve the problem and to keep the issue within the married couple as much as possible. If this could not be reached, there are other means that the husband can resort to, such as abstaining from providing for his wife financially and things could even reach the level of divorce.

Islam made sure through its legislations to protect the marital institution. In this respect, it is useful to have counselors in our society specialized in solving marital problems, just as there are counselors for other fields of life. Moreover, there should be doctors for treating marital problems just as there are doctors for treating health problems… The doctors and counselors are needed to prescribe the medications and treatments necessary to solve the marital problems. We also consider it necessary that the couples be prepared originally for the marital life and they should be trained in a way that they know how to deal with their problems.

Q: In support of your view, we read an article in a newspaper by a researcher who called on the religious authorities and institutions, before passing a judgment on a certain case of marital problems, to refer to the experts, such as psychiatrists, and listen to their advice, meaning that they ought to give enough time to the psychiatrists to give their opinions in these cases, and then refer to the religious institutions to get a better diagnosis for the issue…

A: We support this appeal, and we call for having psychologists or people specialized in the field of marital life so as to find real solutions to the family problems we are facing in reality.

 

Sayyed Fadlullah (ra): An advocate of women’s rights

Q: The late Religious Authority, Sayyed Fadlullah (ra) defended the woman and the woman’s rights in all his stands. What are the most important stands and Fatwas that made His Eminence stand out in this field?

A: One of the issues His Eminence always focused on and called for is reaching a state of balance in the marital life, for just as the husband has rights on his wife, the wife too has rights on her husband. If the man does not fulfill the rights his wife is entitled to, the latter has the right to raise the case to the Islamic judge and ask for divorce…

In a related context, His Eminence also issued a Fatwa that was met with wide acceptance, which stipulates that the woman has the right to defend herself if her husband practices violence against her. His Eminence confirmed, in principle, the woman’s right to defend herself in the marital life. It goes without saying that His Eminence elevated the status of the woman at the level of the religious rulings, and he considered her capable of reaching the highest positions. He always confirmed that she is a human being of an independent entity that is not dependent on man in life…