Section One
The Marital Relationship
Prelude
The Man-Woman Relationship
Marriage is one of the things which the Holy Qur’an and the exalted Sunnah have encouraged owing to its importance in the happiness of the individual and the survival of the human race; Allah, Most High, said: ‘Another of His signs is that He created spouses from among yourselves for you to live with in tranquility and He ordained love and kindness between you; there truly are signs in this for those who reflect’ 30:21. It was narrated that the Prophet Mohammed (sawa) said: ‘Marriage is part of my Sunnah (way), so whoever abstains from my Sunnah is not of (does not belong to) me’; and: ‘He who gets married has secured half of his religion, so let him be God-fearing regarding the other half.’
We wished, before commencing the explanations of the rulings of marriage, to explain what is allowed and what is forbidden in the sexual relationship between man and woman, as follows:
First: What is forbidden for men with men
1310. Sexual intercourse (loāt) between men is forbidden; this takes place when the member (penis) or part of it enters in the anus of another male, whether the latter is an adult or not, alive or dead, sane or insane, married (mohsan) or not, and whether they are both Muslims or one a Muslim and the other a non-Muslim. Punishment – which is death – is to be carried out on both men when the necessary conditions are met.
1311. Tefkhith (‘thighing’; intercrural sex) is forbidden, which is a man seeking pleasure with another man by inserting his penis between the other’s thighs without entering his anus, whether with ejaculation or without. It is not loāt, but it is forbidden, and the punishment for both men is jald (beating) with one hundred lashes, whether both of them were Muslims or not (only one of them is a Muslim), married or not. No distinction is made if the mofakhkhathth (the one whose thighs are the subject of this act) is an adult or not, sane or insane, alive or dead.
1312. It is forbidden for the man to sleep with another man under one cover without a partition between them if they are naked, unless this is unavoidable, whether for pleasure or not; ta‘zīr (disciplinary punishment) is due on them according to the opinion of the Islamic authority.
1313. It is forbidden for the man to look at any organ of another man or to touch it with pleasure and desire with any of his organs, such as by kissing, caressing and the like, whether the organ is a private part (‘awrah) or another; whoever kisses a non adult with desire is to be punished by one hundred lashes if the offender is in a state of ihrām (abstention from many allowed things in certain days during pilgrimage) for pilgrimage or ‘omrah, but if not in ihrām then according to what the Islamic authority sees as appropriate. If without pleasure, however, it is not forbidden to look at or to touch anything except the ‘awrah, from outside or under the clothes.
1314. What is meant by the term ‘talaththoth (with pleasure) wa shahwah (desire)’ - as mentioned in the last entry and as will appear frequently in the following entries - is: touching or looking in a manner that causes the arousal of the sexual instinct and its movement inside one’s self, especially if it is manifested by things like an erection in the male or similar physical responses in the female. However, the mere admiration of what a person sees is not considered a look of desire.
Second: What is forbidden for women with women
1315. Sohāq is forbidden for women, which is rubbing her sexual organ with that of another woman, whether the other woman is adult or not, sane or insane, whether they are both Muslims or not (only one of them is a Muslim), both married or not. The two offenders deserve, when conditions are met, the punishment for sohāq, which is either jald or death.
1316. It is forbidden for the woman to sleep with another woman under one cover if they are naked and with no partition between them; ta‘zīr will be due on them according to the Islamic authority, whether their offence was with or without pleasure, with or without looking.
1317. It is forbidden for the woman to look at or touch with any of her organs any organ of another woman if it is with pleasure and desire, with things such as kissing, touching and looking, whether the organ is a private part (‘awrah) or another. If without pleasure, however, none of these are forbidden except touching the private parts (‘awrah), whether from outside the clothes or without them. In addition to looking at the ‘awrah, it is not allowed to touch it in normal situations, as was mentioned in the purification rulings.
Third: What is forbidden for men and women with each other
1318. Sexual intercourse is forbidden between a man and a woman without a marriage contract that shows their mutual agreement/consent and makes their marriage legitimate; without this, adultery is regarded as having taken place if the man’s member (penis) or part of it enters the woman’s vagina or anus with intention and awareness. Punishment for the unmarried offender is jald with one hundred lashes, and for the married offender it is rajm (hurling stones) until death, and no distinction is made in this if both are Muslims or one a Muslim and one non-Muslim; if they are both non-Muslims, the Islamic authority has the choice of either punishing them or handing them over to the people of their religion to punish them as appropriate in their law.
There are many adultery rulings that relates to adultery committed by the elderly, with unmarriageable relatives (mahārim), a woman under duress etc., which shall be detailed in the sections on punishments.
1319. If a man and a woman who are not married are found naked under one cover without partition between them, they deserve a jald punishment according to the judgement of the Islamic authority.
And if a man slipped into the bed of a woman he is not married to while she is in that bed, he must receive disciplinary punishment (ta‘zīr) according to what the Islamic authority sees as suitable, even if he was not naked when he did it.
1320. It is forbidden for both of the man and the woman – unless they are married or unmarriageable relatives – to touch any organ of the other with any of their organs with intention and awareness even if it is without desire if the touching occurs directly without the partition provided by clothes or the like; while it is allowed for the unmarriageable relative – man or woman – to touch the body of the other of their unmarriageable relatives without desire except the private parts (‘awrah). It is also allowed for the man and woman who are unmarried to each other to touch, from outside the clothes, as is common in some countries, such as some women putting their hands on men's shoulders when greeting them, or the like, on the condition that this is done without pleasure or desire.
It is allowed for the husband to touch with any of his organs any of his wife’s organs – which is something readily known.
There is no difference, in forbidding touching as mentioned above, if the other person is a Muslim or not, a young person or very old.
1321. Excepted from prohibited forms of touching mentioned above are two situations:
First: Compelling cases that allows touching the body of a non-unmarriageable person including the ‘awrah, such in cases of medical treatment, rescuing from drowning, being forced or exposed to harm and other similar situations in which one cannot avoid touching. What is meant by ‘harm’ here is: all health dangers that sane people strive to avoid, even if the pain can be withstood, not to mention if it leads to death or dangers that are similar to death, such as losing vital organs and dangerous diseases. What is meant by ‘being forced’ here is: whatever involves threatening with death or similar or with less than that in terms of bodily or psychological pain on the person’s body, honour or the body or honour of individuals with whom he is concerned; in these situations, it is sufficient to experience the mere fear that the threatening person is going to implement his threat, not to mention if the threatened person is certain that harm is going to befall them.
Second: Situations of intense difficulty that the person cannot withstand, such as where one fears shame and scandal, or where the believer will be subject to humiliation that is going to harm his sanctity among people.
In the first group of situations, no distinction is made in allowing the touching between the private’awrah and the rest of the body. However, in the situations when one is compelled to allow touching of the ‘awrah, one has to give preference to the kinship over the others, when possible. The second group of situations is limited to the situations that involve intense difficulty, such as shaking hands and the like.
1322. It is allowed for the woman to look at the body, except the ‘awrah, of a man who is not her husband, without pleasure and desire, whether the man is an unmarriageable relative or not. That said, it is better for her to limit her looking to the non-unmarriageable and at what men normally show of their bodies, which is: the head, neck, part of the chest, the two arms to the upper arm, the two feet and some of the legs, and the like according to what is normal in every society even if it is more than this. However, it is not allowed for her to look at the ‘awrah, neither in the unmarriageable man nor others, except in the compelling situations mentioned in the previous entry.
1323. It is not allowed for the man to look at any part other than the face, hands and feet of the non-unmarriageable woman who abides by the cover obligatory on her if that shows more than these when she is unaware due to strong wind or the like, whether it is a question of the ‘awrah or other parts, and whether the looking is with desire or not. The same rulings applies to the non-Muslim woman in what she observes in covering her body, also the unveiled Muslim woman who does not respond positively if she is enjoined to abandon her unveiled state or is ordered to cover herself; for both of these women, it is not allowed for the man to look – even if without desire – at the areas of their bodies that they cover in normal circumstances, although they may uncover them at certain times, such as when playing sports or swimming. However, what the non-Muslim woman – and the unveiled Muslim woman – are used to uncover of their body, including what they actually uncover at certain times, it is allowed to look at without desire.
It is also allowed for someone who is not giving medical treatment to look at what the adherent woman uncovers of her body for the necessity of treatment to the extent needed for that necessity for the rest of people other than the person carrying out the treatment, although it is better for the believer not to look, and especially not to keep looking. This is the ruling regarding the non-unmarriageable women; however, it is allowed for a man to look at an unmarriageable woman, such as his mother, sister, daughter and the rest of them, and to look at the whole of their bodies except the ‘awrah without pleasure and desire, although it is better to abstain from looking at the area between the navel and the knees.
1324. We mentioned in the purification rulings the rulings about looking at the ‘awrah of a man or a woman, and especially what is meant by ‘awrah, the ruling regarding the ‘awrah of the child and the insane, the ruling regarding looking at pictures of the ‘awrah, the rulings in the situations where looking is allowed, in addition to other connected matters, so as to explain the rulings which relate to the person purifying from hadath. All that we mentioned there is useful here and we encourage you/the reader go back to it so as to check what we do not find necessary to repeat here (see nos. 91-95.)
1325. An exception to the prohibition of looking at what the woman covers of her body is permissible if the man wants to marry a particular woman; in this case he is allowed to see her following parts (mahāsin), which are: the face, hair, neck, forearms and legs. It is not conditional that this takes place with her permission, and the status of it being allowed will not be affected if his desire is stirred as a result of this looking, as long as it is unintentional; it is also allowed to repeat the looking until the aim is fulfilled. As the man is allowed to look at her in this way, she is allowed to enable him to do so and to show these parts of her in front of him.
1326. It is allowed for the woman to be present where a man is, in all fields that people should be present for their affairs and needs, whether this relates to their worldly matters, such as medicine, education, industry, public services and other fields of life that can involve both men and women and that need the presence of both of them, or whether this relates to their hereafter in the different acts of worship, such as their presence in mosques, the tombs of the exalted, places of the pilgrimage ritual and so on, where obligatory or recommended acts are performed. However, Islamic rulings and manners must be observed to secure for that mixing of genders the required chasteness and respectfulness.
Fourth: What is forbidden for the person with himself
1327. It is forbidden for a man to do anything to himself that causes the release of semen in what is called ‘istimnā’’ (masturbation), whether by pressing or rubbing his penis, reading or saying dissolute words or seeing or imagining sexual activities, or otherwise, unless if for health needs, such as if he is compelled to drive semen out when suffering from illness the treatment of which depends on examining it, and masturbation by the wife’s hand is not possible, or a wife was not available. However, if this is for treatment of impotence and to try to achieve a pregnancy, masturbation for that is not allowed, unless the impotence is caused by a certain disease and he wants to treat the disease to try for a pregnancy, then he is allowed as long as there is a disease to treat. That said, if abstaining from treating the impotence causes intense difficulty, as is often the case, then it is allowed to masturbate, even if there is no disease involved to treat.
Regarding sexual acts that are less than that, such as doing, imagining or saying what leads to an erection, or such as if he touches or looks at his body with desire, then, although it is allowed when he is certain that no ejaculation will takes place as a result, it is something that one should abstain from due to its unfavourable effects on the believer’s spirituality.